regrouping

I could say that I was writing a book, or traveling the world, saving lives of thousands, but that would be a big old fat lie. To tell you the truth I have been in this haze of teaching funk- yes, funk.
It started last year and I felt myself going down this long and sad spiral of just not feeling good about being a teacher and not being the teacher that I thought I was becoming. I was trying, going through the motions, thinking, wondering, and crying. LOTS and LOTS of crying. I was scared that I was losing everything I worked so very hard to achieve.
I stepped back- left blogging- stopped writing-stopped reading- stopped exercising- and stopped.
Looking back at it now, I think I had a little breakdown! (Cripes- sounds like I went a little mental)
Oh hell, I did. I was U-N-H-A-P-P-Y.
During the summer, I asked myself what in the toothpicks was different from this school year? What did you do then that you aren't doing now? This is what I realized:
1. I wasn't being true to myself and my treasures. I NEW what best practices looked like. I new how to guide my students through workshop and I wasn't doing it. I melted into the all mighty BASAL teaching (yes, wah-wah- wahhhhhhhhh). I thought that this is what I HAD to do. This is what they were teaching and testing- so I was caught. I had to comply.

May rolled around- I WAS MISERABLE and HATED TEACHING... yes, hated it. Wondered if leaving was the best thing for my students and myself. Counted down the days until the last day of school and packed my bags. Left-

Over the summer I ran through my journals. Cried- like a baby. Who was this person who was so madly, head over heals about teaching and her community? Who was this person who was creating units of study, conferring like a crazed woman, and guiding her treasures through some pretty rock hard year of learning. I new right then what I needed to do. Regain who I was and the fundamentals that I built my teaching on..... and so the journey started.

I made a plan to focus on WORKSHOP and gaining who I was again within that context. Finding my element- finding what works best for my kids- finding how to use the blasted basal within my the realm of what I new worked best for allowing my children to grow as readers:
- CHOICE - INTEREST - DISCUSSION - CONFERRING - TALKING - LISTENING - RESPONDING and TIME TO READ, READ, READ!!!!!

I have to say- I am almost there. I feel that fire burning again. Those moments that make me smile and say, "HOT DAMN!" I am excited again. I missed me and glad I am back.